9 Tips to Help You Understand Your Emotions

By Jemma Dennis | Psychotherapist, Relationship & EMDR Therapist | Wimpole Street, London | September 2026

As a psychotherapist, I know that emotions play a crucial role in all our lives, influencing our thoughts, behaviours, and relationships. But what exactly are emotions, and how can we help ourselves manage and regulate them effectively?

What are emotions?

Emotions are complex psychological experiences that involve a range of physiological, cognitive, and behavioural responses. They are usually characterised by subjective feelings, such as happiness, sadness, anger, or fear, which can be accompanied by bodily changes, such as an increased heart rate, sweating, or tension held in our bodies.

Emotions also involve cognitive reflections in which we evaluate and judge our experiences and interpret them as positive or negative.

Affect regulation: Definition and Importance

Affect regulation refers to the ability to manage and regulate our emotions effectively. It involves a range of cognitive, behavioural, and physiological strategies that enable us to modulate our emotional responses and maintain a state of emotional balance. Effective affect regulation is critical for mental health, as people who struggle to regulate their emotions are at increased risk of anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and other mental health problems.

Emotional Dysregulation

Emotional dysregulation can manifest as intense or extreme emotional reactions that are out of proportion to the situation, or as difficulty in controlling emotional responses such as crying or anger. Dysregulation can also lead to difficulty in managing the day-to-day stresses in life, as well as impulsivity, and poor decision-making.

One of the goals of therapy therefore can be to help you improve your emotional regulation skills.

9 Ways to help understand, manage and regulate emotions

1.Understand Your Window of Tolerance

One of the key concepts in regulation is the “window of tolerance,” a term coined by Dan Siegel. The window of tolerance refers to the range of emotional states in which an individual can function effectively. It includes a state of calm and relaxation, as well as a moderate level of arousal that allows for engagement and effective problem-solving. When an individual’s emotions exceed the upper or lower limits of the window of tolerance, they may become overwhelmed or dysregulated, leading to emotional and behavioural problems.

By understanding the concept of the window of tolerance, it can be an effective way to increase awareness of our emotional states and develop strategies for regulating their emotions.

Image source: https://nicabm-stealthseminar.s3.amazonaws.com/Infographics/window-of-tolerance/NICABM-InfoG-window-of-tolerance.jpg 

2. Recognising Triggers

One of the first steps in regulation is recognising the triggers that activate our emotional responses. These triggers can be internal (such as thoughts or memories) or external (such as situations or people). By identifying our triggers, this helps us develop strategies for managing our emotional responses and avoiding situations that may be overwhelming or dysregulating.

3. Practicing Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for regulation, as it helps us become more aware of our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgement, allowing us to observe our emotional responses without becoming overwhelmed by them.

Practising mindfulness can help develop greater emotional awareness and regulate emotions more effectively.

Journalling is a great way for us to reflect and process emotions, which is one of the main reasons I developed a journalling and meditation web app called JemSpace. This is free for my private clients and everyone else has access to JemSpace for a monthly fee.

4. Breath Work

Breathing exercises can be a simple and effective way to regulate the physiological components of emotional responses, such as increased heart rate and tension in the body. Techniques such as deep breathing or box breathing may help us slow down our breathing and activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is associated with relaxation and emotional regulation.

5. Developing Self-Compassion

Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, even in the face of difficult emotions. By developing self-compassion, we can help ourselves reduce self-criticism and increase self-care, which can in turn promote emotional regulation and well-being.

6. The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise

The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise is a technique that involves engaging the senses to promote emotional regulation and reduce feelings of anxiety or overwhelm. The exercise involves focusing on:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

By engaging the senses in this way, we can bring our attention to the present moment and shift the focus away from overwhelming thoughts or emotions.

7. Physical Activity

Physical activity is a powerful tool for regulating emotions, as it can help reduce stress and increase the production of endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. Engaging in regular exercise, such as walking, running, or yoga, can be an effective way to promote emotional regulation and overall well-being.

8. Building a Support System

Social support is crucial for emotional regulation, as it can provide us with a sense of connection, validation, and comfort. Building a support system, whether through friends, family, or community resources, can be an important part of promoting emotional regulation.

9. Reframing Thoughts

Cognitive reappraisal is a cognitive technique that involves reframing one’s thoughts about a situation or emotion to change the emotional response. By us identifying and challenging negative or distorted thoughts, we can help develop more adaptive and positive appraisals of our experiences, which can in turn promote emotional regulation.

Conclusion

Effective emotional regulation is crucial for mental health and well-being.

Going to a therapist to learn how to utilise the strategies above, is a safe and healthy way to develop the skills and resources that almost everyone needs to manage and regulate emotions effectively.

If this resonates, I offer therapy to individuals, couples and families from my practice at Wimpole Street, London, and online globally. Visit jemmadennis.com to get in touch.