How to Cope with Social Anxiety

By Jemma Dennis | Psychotherapist, Relationship & EMDR Therapist | Wimpole Street, London | October 2026

As a psychotherapist, I work with many people who feel a deep sense of dread around social situations. They might rehearse conversations for hours, avoid parties altogether, or spend days replaying something they said. Many tell me they feel embarrassed to admit it, believing everyone else finds socialising easy. In reality, social anxiety is very common and very treatable. In this article, I explore what social anxiety is, how it can show up in modern life, and some practical ways to cope.

What is social anxiety?

Social anxiety is an intense and persistent fear of being judged, criticised, embarrassed or rejected by others. Most of us feel nervous at times, such as before a public speaking event or a first date. Social anxiety goes beyond everyday nerves. It can affect how we work, study, make friends and form relationships, and it can lead us to avoid situations that matter to us.

When social anxiety is severe and long lasting, it may be diagnosed as social anxiety disorder, sometimes called social phobia.

What keeps social anxiety going?

Social anxiety is often maintained by a cycle. Before a social situation, we predict that something will go wrong and others will judge us. During the situation, we focus inwards on how we are coming across and use “safety behaviours” to protect ourselves, such as avoiding eye contact, drinking to calm nerves or staying quiet. Afterwards, we pick apart everything we said and did.

This cycle prevents us from discovering that things often go better than we fear, which keeps the anxiety alive.

How social anxiety can show up

Here are some real life examples of how social anxiety can look in everyday life.

The camera off. In Teams or Zoom meetings, you keep your camera off and your microphone muted, even when you have something valuable to say. When asked a question, your face flushes and your mind goes blank.

The phone call. You will do almost anything to avoid making a phone call, whether booking a GP appointment or calling a restaurant, and may wait until a friend can do it for you.

The Christmas party. You feel sick for days before the office Christmas party, drink more than you mean to in order to calm your nerves, and lie awake afterwards replaying every conversation.

The group chat. You type and delete messages in the group chat several times, worried about saying the wrong thing, and feel anxious when no one replies straight away.

The date. You would love to meet someone, but the thought of a first date from a dating app feels so frightening that you cancel at the last minute.

How it can feel and be perceived

Social anxiety can feel physically intense. People describe blushing, sweating, trembling, a racing heart, a dry mouth, nausea and a sense of wanting to escape. Mentally, there is often a harsh inner critic and a strong belief that others can see how anxious you are.

From the outside, social anxiety is often misunderstood. Someone who is quiet or avoids social events may be perceived as aloof, rude, uninterested or shy. This can be painful, as many people with social anxiety deeply want connection, but fear gets in the way. Over time, avoiding situations can lead to loneliness, low mood and missed opportunities at work and in relationships.

8 Ways to help cope with social anxiety

1. Understand your anxiety

Learning how social anxiety works, including the cycle of prediction, self focus, safety behaviours and replaying, can help it feel less mysterious and more manageable. Simply knowing that your body’s reaction is a normal anxiety response can reduce some of the fear.

2. Shift your focus outwards

When we are anxious, we tend to focus inwards on how we look and sound. Try gently turning your attention outwards instead: listen closely to what the other person is saying, notice their expressions, or become curious about the room around you. This often reduces self consciousness.

3. Challenge anxious predictions

Before a social situation, notice what you fear will happen. Ask yourself: what evidence do I have? What would I say to a friend who had this worry? Afterwards, compare what actually happened with what you predicted. Over time, this can help loosen the grip of anxious thinking.

4. Drop safety behaviours gradually

Safety behaviours may feel protective, but they can keep anxiety going and sometimes make us appear more distant. Try experimenting with letting one go, such as making a little more eye contact, putting your drink down or sharing one opinion in a meeting.

5. Face situations step by step

Avoidance offers short term relief but makes anxiety stronger over time. Try building a ladder of situations from least to most anxiety provoking, and work your way up slowly. This might start with turning your camera on in a meeting, then arranging a coffee with a friend, then joining colleagues for lunch.

6. Use calming techniques

Slow breathing, with a longer out breath than in breath, can help calm the physical symptoms of anxiety. Grounding exercises, such as noticing your feet on the floor or naming things you can see, can help you stay present.

7. Be kind to yourself afterwards

Instead of replaying every moment and criticising yourself, try reflecting on what went well and acknowledging the courage it took to show up. Journalling can be a helpful way to do this. This is one of the main reasons I developed a journalling and meditation web app called JemSpace. This is free for my private clients and everyone else has access to JemSpace for a monthly fee from Autumn 2026.

8. Reach out for support

Social anxiety can make asking for help feel especially hard, but you do not have to face it alone and so talking to a therapist can be an important first step.

How therapy can help

The good news is that social anxiety responds very well to therapy.

In therapy, we can explore where your fears began and work together on practical strategies to build your confidence. Therapy itself can also be a valuable place to practise being seen and heard by another person in a safe and accepting environment.

Where social anxiety is linked to specific painful memories, such as a humiliating experience at school, EMDR can also help reduce the emotional charge of those memories.

For many people with social anxiety, online therapy can feel like a more comfortable first step, and I offer both online and in person sessions.

Conclusion

Social anxiety can make the world feel small, but it does not have to hold you back. With understanding, practice and support, it is possible to feel more confident, connected and at ease around others.

Going to a therapist to learn how to use the strategies above is a safe and effective way to reduce social anxiety and build the life and relationships you want.

If this resonates, I offer therapy to individuals, couples and families from my practice at Wimpole Street, London, and online globally. Visit jemmadennis.com to get in touch.